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Stress, communication gaps, lost intimacy, and sometimes illness can lead to isolation, fear, and anger between partners. You find yourself asking questions like:
If you find yourself questioning the security of your relationship, it is time to seek help and support for your most important relationship. Couples therapy and counseling can help you navigate your way back to the secure and loving relationship you desire and lead to a better, stronger, and more secure future.
The Gottman Method is an approach to couples therapy that includes a thorough assessment of the couple’s relationship and integrates research-based interventions based on the Sound Relationship House Theory. The goals of Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to disarm conflicting verbal communication; increase intimacy, respect, and affection; remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy, and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship.
✔️ Foster respect, affection, and closeness
✔️Build and share a deeper connection with each other's inner world
✔️ Keep conflict discussions calm
✔️ Breakthrough and resolve conflict gridlock
✔️ Strengthen and maintain the gains in your relationship
Explained by the Gottman Institute
It all begins on the firm foundation of knowing each other. In the first level of the Sound Relationship House, partners build what Dr. John Gottman calls a “Love Map,” which is the essential guide to your partner’s inner world. What are their likes and dislikes? Who is your partner’s best friend? Did they have a happy childhood? How do they prefer to relax after a tense day? Building Love Maps means asking the right questions to learn more about your partner. In an ideal relationship, you and your partner know each other better than anyone else.
Everyone needs to hear something nice about themselves, which means the most when it comes from your partner. Sharing fondness and admiration sounds like vocalizing the characteristics that you appreciate. Perhaps you admire their sense of humor or how they’re always willing to help someone in need. In healthy relationships, you can articulate the big and little reasons you love your partner.
When you need attention, support, and comfort from your partner, you are likely to say something or make a gesture to elicit a response from them—what the Gottmans call a “bid.” Your partner turns toward that bid when they reply with what you need. Consistently turning away (or worst yet, turning against) a bid spells disaster for any relationship. When you both recognize and turn toward each other’s bids, you create a safe space for you both to express yourselves and your needs.
Isn’t so much of life all in how you look at it? That’s what the Positive Perspective offers. Couples in healthy relationships see the best in each other and don’t rush to offense or criticism. So, when your partner rushes out the door and forgets to kiss you goodbye, a Positive Perspective means that you give your partner the benefit of the doubt that they were absentmindedly preoccupied rather than intentionally negligent. Believing that you’re on the same team solidifies your union and strengthens you from the inside out.
Since you can’t avoid conflict, knowing what to do when it inevitably shows is key. First, you need to accept your partner’s influence—meaning you take their feelings and desires into account instead of doing everything your own way. Second, whether problems are solvable or perpetual, you dialogue about them. Third, when you feel yourself getting heated during an argument, self-soothing (such as taking a walk or taking deep breaths) will help you remain calm.
The beauty of good companionship is that you have someone who will not only encourage you in your goals but also help you reach them. This level can look like coming up with a plan to pay off debt brought into the partnership or being supportive of them going back to school. Making life dreams come true shows that you want the best possible life for your partner and you are willing to do what it takes to make that happen.
As important as all the floors of the Sound Relationship House are, they don’t hold together without the pillars of trust and commitment. In a healthy, supportive relationship, two people make the decision to have faith in each other and stick together. They freely love one another and pledge to help that love grow.
The Sound Relationship House is a foundational theory of The Gottman Institute. The explanation above is from the What is the Sound Relationship House written by the Gottman Institute.
